…And on the 12th day, He rested. The rest of us lost our collective shit.

My tags for this blog post. Craziness ahead.

No, Tommy Lee didn’t write it. He wants the original author to get credit.

https://reddit.com/r/funny/comments/fv4tyk/my_neighbors_front_lawn_dad_joke_17/
I love this guy.

“Not always asking wiseguy questions…”
Goddammit, your orange shithead, these are important questions. We’re all getting sick of this.

President George W. Bush in 2005: "There is no pandemic flu in our country or in the world at this time. But if we wait for a pandemic to appear, it will be too late to prepare. And one day many lives could be needlessly lost because we failed to act today." pic.twitter.com/vq0j13DwLL
— CSPAN (@cspan) April 5, 2020

George W. fucking Bush was preparing for this in 2005. George ‘The Decider’ Bush.
…Obama extended his team on Bush’s suggestions.
…and now…

Just learned of Andrew Cuomo’s nipple rings…

Get well soon, Boris Johnson. The terrible person in me wanted to celebrate karma with glee, but I can’t. I hope he pulls through. The world needs him to pull through.

The virus appears to have jumped species. The timing is deliciously suspicious. Carol fuckin’ Baskins knows what I’m talking about.

I’m kinda shocked that she didn’t lash out at the governor of Michigan or brag about being number one on Facebook pic.twitter.com/5s677JExWG
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) April 5, 2020

I love my wife. I love my wife. I love wife.

Hey everybody, we’re good now.

Kenneth Copeland used his breath to blow the virus away. pic.twitter.com/flypogxqPL
— Travis Akers (@travisakers) April 4, 2020

This guy looks possessed. I’ve met a few of these people in my life. They believe every word.

Sue me Trump. I’m the one who worked on the Apprentice and told everyone you snort Adderall all day. You won’t sue me though because you know it’s true. Remember what your buddy Chuck Z brought to the after parties? I do.@realDonaldTrump https://t.co/T8lLlLDBSC
— NoelCaslerComedy (@CaslerNoel) April 4, 2020

…the discovery in any suit would be GLORIOUS.

Panama's health ministry gives out 4,000 masks. pic.twitter.com/73aCOszuXD
— The Hill (@thehill) April 5, 2020

People are going to die because they think Jesus will protect them from a highly contagious virus that is (at best) ten times more deadly than the flu. https://t.co/ApEnCn8Puk
— Molly Jong-Fast? (@MollyJongFast) April 5, 2020

The Blood of Jesus is not FDA-approved for the indicated disease.

Watch on #Periscope: #DoseOfDrDrew 4/4/2020 (Take 1) Apology.https://t.co/jLJU779hb5
— Dr Drew (@drdrew) April 5, 2020

Dr. Drew apologizes.

Franklin Graham says people are dying of the Coronavirus because man has sinned against god. He goes on to say the pandemic is happening because the world has turned its back on god. pic.twitter.com/Kejq9jzeLu
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) April 5, 2020

Pick your quarantine player: pic.twitter.com/tCSswXzABq
— Rex Chapman?? (@RexChapman) April 5, 2020

Thanks for the chuckle, @linadirector

Italy is having a rough time of this. Peace & Solidarity to our brothers & sisters.

What is WRONG with people? They may not care about their own lives, but they are spreading a disease that will kill others. https://t.co/OAFZW9k6Wx
— Walter Shaub (@waltshaub) April 5, 2020

This is why a disjointed response is the absolute worst. Statistically 40% of the people there are infected, and a R0 of 4 means they’ll infect 4 people. Goddammit.

Fauci says it's "false" to say US has coronavirus under control: “We are struggling" https://t.co/DCv9VpJChh pic.twitter.com/nhcUmurl2L
— The Hill (@thehill) April 5, 2020

???????? Boss https://t.co/VfyBS2stUL
— Taika Waititi (@TaikaWaititi) April 5, 2020

This is a few days old, and yet… so good.

Meanwhile, in the UK…pic.twitter.com/PFKJV9J64i
— Cromwell (@Cromwell606) April 5, 2020

…Makes this feel OG in comparison.

4/5/20 – 7:24PM CST World Covid19 Numbers

4/5/20 – 7:24PM CST – US Covid19 Numbers

Anecdotally? I haven’t smoked in years. Thought about it good and hard today for longer than I care to admit. In the mean time, I’m including some pictures from around the neighborhood that are once-in-a-lifetime.